Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Some confessions

This past year or so, I have not been the best brother, son, friend or husband.  I have become more and more withdrawn - and more and more reclusive.  My anger is quicker than ever, my frustration at a fever pitch at times.

I'm sorry.

When I was laid off in September 2011, it was almost a breath of fresh air.  All of the daily stress of my job, dwindling resources to that job and the ever present threat of layoff all dissipated into the ether and each morning seemed new.  I was confident I would have a job in no time.

Fast forward to today and I feel about as hopeless, helpless and lost as I can ever remember feeling.  Applying to jobs that will likely never respond, being passed on time and time again despite my absolute best efforts.  It's so hard to even try anymore.  I roll out of bed and the world is grayer and grayer and grayer.

Top that off with everyone and their mother either saying one of two things:
1)  I'll be okay.  I'm far to talented and likable to not be seen as an asset.
2)  Giving me advice on all the things I might be doing wrong/could be doing better

My response?
1)  That's a crock of shit.
2)  Everyone thinks they know the answer, but no one seems to have the same one - it's like religion all over again.

I know I've been way to quick to anger with all of you, and I can't tell you how sorry I am.  I'm simply terrified and convinced that I'm going to lose everything and I feel absolutely paralyzed and helpless about doing anything about it.

Good times, right?